Are you feeling betrayed and confused by your heroes? Do the recent events surrounding Canada’s Jian Ghomeshi, the high profile, radio host suspected of sexual assault or South Africa’s Oscar Pistorius’ murder trial or Australia/Britain’s Rolf Harris’ sex scandal confuse you?
Do you feel stupid sometimes when your hero falls from grace? Find out why! Dr. John Demartini, Human Behavioural Specialist, in a recent article on his site www.drdemartini.com explains succinctly what is going on. Check it out below and see how it fits for you too!
“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive,
but do not forget.” – Thomas Szasz, psychologist
As I travel the world and present my signature programme The Breakthrough Experience™, I help people realize they have two sides that remain balanced.
I ask people, “Would you believe if I said you are always mean and never nice? Or you’re always nice and you’re never mean? You’re always up, you’re never down? You seem depressed, you never seem to be up?” They answer “No” to every one of these questions.
When I ask them, “Would you agree you have times when you are up and times when you are down, times when you are nice and times when you are mean?” they reply “Yes”. So inherently, innately, we know we have a balance. We have ups and downs, we can be both nice and mean, kind and cruel, generous and stingy. In fact all of our traits are paired with their opposites.
We intuitively know this. But sometimes we can be fooled into thinking, either from our own experiences or from other people’s perceptions, that we are one-sided. And, we can become proud and hide our internal shame or be shamed and hide our internal pride.
The moment we see only one side of ourselves, we are vulnerable and nature brings us events to help us see both sides and keep them balanced. The media puts high achievers on a pedestal. Successful, high-achieving individuals in many walks of life – celebrities, sports personalities or any high achiever – can be put on a pedestal by the media. And if that person and the public buys into it, blindly believing the one-sided reporting, and assumes there’s an up without a down, a positive without a negative, a hero without a villain, the high achiever can be setting their own trap.
Our mind maintains an inherent balance, but our awareness sometimes misinterprets it and overlooks it. So the second we start to think we are greater than we are, our pride brings on a fall. And the very people who built us up, the media, the fans, will be the first people to bring us down. What took maybe years or decades to build can be destroyed overnight.
It is wiser to have sustainable achievement by maintaining a balanced orientation, by not taking credit so we get blame, by not getting proud so we need humility. Otherwise we will have to hide behind celebrity walls or live in secluded locations to prevent the world from seeing the other side we innately know is there.
Superstardom and fame can be the source of a living hell. The public assumes the rich and famous have a better life. But behind the scenes there’s always another side… unmet expectations, depression due to fantasies and issues of self-image.
So it’s wiser to keep a balanced orientation and continue to serve, and remain centred and humbled, and not let the outer fame have to bring the outer tragedy to get us back into balance.
If we are mildly proud, we get low priority distractions as a feedback reminder. If we are moderately proud, we get challenging circumstances. If we are severely proud, we attract tragic events to humble us.
Decade by decade we see examples of this, from sports personalities and celebrities, to leaders, politicians, athletes, superstars and supermodels.
”Those who can’t govern themselves attract events to govern them” – Nietzsche
So as Nietzsche said, if you can own your hero and your villain, your saint and your sinner, your two sides equally, you don’t need nature to have to get you back into balance. Those who can’t govern themselves attract events to govern them.
Many heroes have fallen and while their hero was a gift, so was their villain equally a gift. It sets them free from having to be a one-sided person. It sets them free from having to strive for that which is unattainable.
Don’t put people on pedestals or into pits. Put them in your heart. So when you meet somebody you look up to, know you are probably blind to their downsides. Don’t be fooled by one-sided people. And don’t be fooled by the mirror. See both sides within yourself.
I went through the Oxford Dictionary and circled every trait a human being could have. They can be admired or despised, liked or disliked, traits of the hero or traits of the villain, and when I looked honestly and fully, I discovered I had every one of these traits within me.
At times I am kind and at times cruel, at times generous and at times stingy, I am open and closed, considerate and inconsiderate, honest and dishonest, sweet and bitter.
I found 4,628 traits in myself that were listed in the Oxford Dictionary. I realized nothing was missing in me, I wasn’t worth putting on a pedestal or in a pit. I was only worth putting in the heart. Don’t put people on pedestals or into pits. Put them in your heart. The superhero doesn’t have to end up being the super-villain.
“When we demean or diminish ourselves to anyone, we are lying to ourselves, and to them!”
– King Ayles, author
Until Next time…
Remember, everyone, has every trait, in some form…so we are all angelic devils, pessimistic optimists, kindly cruel and, both givers and takers. Expect it in yourself and everyone else…no exceptions.
Send us your feedback and suggestions…we love to hear from you! If you have a specific question, contact me.
Note the New Dates for the next Breakthrough Experience™ Seminar are December 6 & 7, 2014 at our new offices. Details
Further information: www.kenpiercepsychologist.com