“Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.”
– John F. Kennedy, U.S. President
I just don’t love him anymore…
Giselle was a tall, statuesque woman, a child immigrant to Canada from the one of the African nations, over twenty years ago. She seemed to retain her heritage not just in her dress which was bold and striking, but also in her manner which was candid and open. She was a teacher and proud of her work with adult learners struggling to integrate into Canadian society.
Her partner, Eric, was an engineer by trade and an inventor by hobby. He had arrived in Canada about 10 years ago from Britain. They had two preschoolers and seemed to have a stable relationship. But lately Giselle was not satisfied at all with her life and it showed on her face. Her bright appearance did not hide the frustration and confusion on her attractive face.
After she gave me a brief outline of herself and her life, she said, “I just don’t love him anymore…I want to be happy and make something of my life”
Maybe what makes me sparkle in my own life is not there anymore…
“Giselle, it sounds like you have at least two separate things on your mind…your marriage and your work…is that true?” I asked.
“Yes it is…and I get so confused sometimes trying to sort out what I should do about each of them!” she replied.
“Giselle, since they are both about you, pick the one which needs immediate attention and I will bet it impacts both of them…which is the priority for you?”
She thought for a moment and then replied, “Ken we have two beautiful kids and Eric is devoted to them. And he is really a nice man…but the magic is gone…the special spark I felt when we met is gone.”
Then she stared over my shoulder for a second and then added, her eyes filling with tears, “But truthfully…maybe my spark is gone…maybe what makes me sparkle in my own life is not there anymore…maybe it has more to do with me, than with Eric.”
“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.” – Robert Byrne, author
The urgency seems to be growing with my age!
“Well, then lets look at that first!” I said, “How long have you been thinking and feeling this way?”
“Actually, Ken…a long time! I have had it in the back of my mind since before the kids were born… and they are 3 and 5 years old now!” she said.
“When you mentioned your spark being gone…I am wondering if you are aware of your purpose in life…everything on the planet earth has a specific and unique purpose…do you know yours yet?” I asked her.
“I thought it was being a teacher, then for a while being a partner…or then being a mother…but I’m just not sure anymore…and the urgency seems to be growing with my age!” she said reflectively, as if carrying the burden of not knowing weighed heavily on her.
“Giselle, being a teacher, partner and mother are probably forms of your purpose but it is unlikely any one of them is the only form. In fact, while your purpose is singular, it has many forms through your life. Your purpose is more a journey rather than a destination; more an overriding function than a specific role; more an approach to life that explains you to you, than a specific job.”
“Learn to get in touch with the silence within yourself, and know that everything in life has purpose. There are no mistakes, no coincidences, all events are blessings given to us to learn from.”
– Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, psychiatrist
If you could put your life purpose in about five to seven words
“That makes sense to me because being a teacher, partner and mother have served me well, but they don’t seem to be enough…!” she said with growing insight spreading across her face.
“Giselle, if you could put your life purpose in about five to seven words and if those words explained to you, your past and present life…your important relationships, your jobs,…what you are about…would that be useful for you right now?” I asked.
“I think if I knew my purpose…if I could explain myself, to myself. Then I would probably appreciate what I already have, and be in a position to decide the next form of my life purpose…is that possible, Ken?”
“It certainly is Giselle and I will show you how to do it! But first there are three important points you will need to understand. The first is every thing and everyone is on purpose unconsciously. For example, your pet is on purpose without being conscious of it. It is only we humans can be consciously on purpose. The second thing is many people don’t believe they have a unique purpose. But they do…just like you have a unique fingerprint, a unique eye retina pattern, a unique heartbeat and a unique atomic vibration to your body…you also have a unique purpose or role to play in the unfolding of this universe!”
“My heart beat is unique to the planet earth…I didn’t know that Ken!” she said surprised.
I added, “I read just recently they are incorporating it, as an unlocking mechanism, into computers so we won’t have to bother with passwords.”
Each person’s purpose is not an end in itself…
“That’s cool! What is the third thing I need to understand about my purpose, Ken?” she replied.
“The final point is each person’s purpose must contribute to the evolution of our species in some way. Each person’s purpose is not an end in itself, but, rather a contribution to our planet’s evolution.”
“So are you saying getting rich is not a purpose unless the person want to get rich to build hospitals in third world countries to save lives? Is that what you mean?”
“That is exactly what I mean Giselle…and a great example!”
“Are you also suggesting if I know my purpose, it will give me a more clear direction for my life which will impact other areas as well?”
“True happiness… is not attained through self-gratification,
but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.” – Helen Keller, author
A different level of self awareness entirely…very present, very powerful…
“Yes, that’s it precisely! When a person has a clear purpose, they can refer to it when they are making important life decisions which enables them to be more decisive, focused and productive because they have a way to assess their own progress in a way defined by themselves. They operate from a different level of self awareness entirely…very present, very powerful and very inspiring!”
“That is exactly what I am looking for…my heart, my instinct, something tells me my challenges are not about my job, my marriage or my kids…they are really about my need to be more consciously purposeful…I get it now!” Giselle said enthusiastically.
It raised her appreciation for her experiences, her partner and her kids…
And so we started right away uncovering her life purpose and bringing it to her conscious awareness. Giselle was a quick study. Once she knew her purpose she identified new ways to be purposeful. As she began listing them, there was one which, she knew, was the right one for her to pursue next. She developed a plan on how to get there and actioned it. As she focused on the new form of her purpose she noticed it raised her appreciation for her past experiences, her partner and her kids. And, she projected the hallmarks of a purposeful person,…a presence… a sense of gratitude for being who she was; a certainty about all she had done in the past and all she had achieved; and a love of her life and everyone in it.
“I believe that if you don’t derive a deep sense of purpose from what you do, if you don’t come radiantly alive several times a day, if you don’t feel deeply grateful at the tremendous good fortune that has been bestowed on you, then you are wasting your life. And life is too short to waste.” – Srikumar Rao, author
Until Next time…
Feel free to send us your feedback and monthly theme suggestions…we love to hear from you! If you want to uncover your life purpose feel free to contact me. Send in your questions! And remember the Free “Youth Summit” Webinar on NOW. The contact information is below.
POINTS TO PONDER AND REMEMBER are:
- Every thing in our universe has a unique purpose.
- You have a unique life purpose.
- Your life purpose is a journey not a destination.
- Your life purpose explains you to you.
- Your life purpose can be stated in five to seven specific words.
- Your life purpose gives meaning and direction to your life.
- Your life purpose creates presence in you.
- Your life purpose creates gratitude, certainty and love in your life.
- Your life purpose creates balance and inner harmony in you.
- Your life purpose makes your life worthwhile.
Further information: www.kenpiercepsychologist.com