“If there is any real tragedy in life, it is trying to perpetuate an illusion instead of learning from an experience.” Ken Pierce ~
She was tall and strikingly attractive
Melanie was a tall and strikingly attractive 30 year old university science professor. She sat in my office slouched over, head down, displaying a withdrawn voice and demeanor. I noticed she continually moved her hands flipping through each finger, first on one hand and then the other.
She said she had just ended a long term, long distance, tragically abusive relationship with Ed. She felt he not only demeaned her repeatedly but would even stab himself during their calls and blame her for his behavior. She appeared traumatized by these events and said she had little self-esteem left for her life.
No self-esteem at all?
To have no self-esteem is not possible because without any we would not make an effort to live at all. Invariably, we all have self-esteem, but it can be hidden from us in some unnoticed part of our life as we focus only on our current sources of pain or tragedy.
That day Melanie started on a personal journey by identifying where some of her self-esteem was hidden. She discovered some self-esteem in her work with her students and more in the good health she enjoyed and worked at regularly. She found some more in the pride she had in her scholastic abilities and her financial frugality. But there was much more to uncover. This was her journey for the next several weeks …
A Glimpse of Melanie’s Destination
Rather than focus today on the specifics of her journey, I want to offer you a glimpse of the destination she achieved very quickly using the scientific principles demonstrated in the Demartini Method ™. I have the privilege of seeing these kinds of transformations regularly in clients.
I asked Melanie to write a letter to herself to summarize how she now sees herself, her past and her future. I think Melanie’s own words say it best. (Note the names have been changed to ensure confidentiality). Here are her words.
Melanie’s Letter to Herself …
Throughout my entire life, you have stood by my side – through sickness & health, financial struggles & success, arguments & agreements. Without you I wouldn’t be here today!
Sometimes we paid greatly for our life experiences, but we were equally rewarded. Our life has come at a cost, but it has been worth it. Its choices, not chance, that determine destiny. You have guided every part of my life. Your choices define you.
When you got the job at the university, you naively felt elated and sure you and Ed would have a happily ever after. Little did you realize your successful career prospects would be the catalyst for the destruction of your & Ed’s relationship. None of it was a mistake – it was a learning process. Without it, you wouldn’t be here today; someone else would.
I want to thank you for helping me in 7 areas of my life.
1. Spiritual – Thank you for knowing when to stand up for me in arguments. You raised me up. It was challenging, but in so doing, you boosted my self-esteem & self-confidence by letting me know my values & I was worth it.
“It must be borne in mind the tragedy of life does not lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy of life lies in having no goal to reach.” Benjamin E. Mays ~
2. Mental – thank you for working so hard. Your efficient / work alcoholic ethic provided me with great science knowledge that has aided me in my career and proven that I can figure out anything I set out to.
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” Plato ~
3. Vocational – Thank you for riding your bike to work in Halifax – even in storms. That quiet time we had together helped me to listen to you & helped me decide to try out teaching. Without that quiet time we had, who knows where we would be. Remind me to listen to you whenever I forget.
“There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.” George Bernard Shaw ~
4. Financial – Thank you for your perseverance. It’s tough & you pay for it, but you gain from it. Without it you would not have gotten a degree (or felt as much pride in your degrees), scholarships or even your job. You have missed out on some friendships, but you have always managed to pay your bills.
“Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.” Charlie Chaplin ~
5. Social – Thank you for being uninhibited sometimes. You danced up a storm & made a fool of yourself to help others join in. A lot of people had fun & enjoyed it, including you. It wasn’t free though. Ed had to balance it out by telling you off for not taking care of him. But the sum of it helped you grow. Don’t be afraid to come out.
“This world is a comedy to thinkers, a tragedy to feelers, and a perfect balance of both, to the wise.” Ken Pierce
6. Family – Thank you for going home last Christmas. Financially it was really expensive, but you got to see Grandma one last time. You had to be slightly disagreeable to Dad to stay there longer, but you got some one-on-one time with her you have wanted for years. Thanks for quietly fighting for me so I have no regrets here.
“Life is a tragedy full of joy.” Bernard Malamud ~
7. Physically – Thank you for pushing me at least 3 morning a week to jog, row, or that elliptical. It hurts sometimes, you sweat & stunk, but your heart rate is more stable, thyroid seems OK & you focus better when you need to work. Thanks for taking care of me.
Thank you Melanie, for being you. You are perfect for your survival. Keep learning & keep trying.
“Life’s Tragedy is we get old too soon and wise too late.” Benjamin Franklin ~
Each of you is capable of what Melanie has just described. Contact me today to get started. The “Take Away Tool” below shows you how to prove it to yourself.
“All therapy, regardless of its format, is simply F.A.L. – Focused Accelerated Learning!” Ken Pierce ~
POINTS TO PONDER AND REMEMBER are:
- Every experience in life is a learning opportunity.
- No one can be without self-esteem somewhere in their life.
- Everyone has self-esteem in some areas and not others.
- Individuals can learn very quickly to uncover their self-esteem.
- What appear to be tragic events help us grow in equally important ways.
- What looks at first to be only bad always has some equally good learning.
- When you find the valuable learning inside a negative event, your pain dissolves into appreciation.
YOUR TAKE AWAY TOOL:
Your Greatest Pain!
- Step 1 – Identify the most painful thing that’s happened to you so far in life. (e.g., my daughter’s cancer diagnosis)
- Step 2 – Identify what you learned at the most tragic moment which changed you and your life for the better. (e.g., it reminded me to value, every second and everyone, in my life)
- Step 3 – Identify how this learning impacted you in each of the seven areas of your life. ( e.g., Spiritual – made my spirit and living in the present new priorities; Mental – reminded me to keep learning more about everything; Vocational – showed me the need to be more consciously purposeful in my work; Financial – inspired me to take more control of my wealth; Social -motivated me to value my real friends, while they are here; Familial – helped me to live each day with my family as if it is my last; Physical – drove me to take better care of my health daily.)