“I know what I have to do if I want to lose weight and stay healthy: eat a proper diet and exercise.
All I’ve got to do is apply it.” – John Candy, actor
“…I think it is affecting our intimacy…our sex life as well!”
Quinton was a tall, 40 year old guy with a full, untrimmed, black beard, receding front hairline and 80 extra pounds on his six foot frame…kind of like a young, Santa Claus in training. Queene, was his twin, age and height-wise but with a full head of unkept, fuzzy blond hair and a matching body mass. They were a huge couple.
Queene had made the call to book the consult. She had told me they had a health crisis that was affecting their marriage. Once I had collected a brief history of what each had brought to their relationship, I asked them what was the health crisis she had mentioned in her initial call.
Queene spoke up first.
“As you can see Ken, we’re a little on the tall side. But, not only that we are starting to get as wide as we are tall. And, simply put, we want to lose weight. Anything you want to add Quinton?” she said, looking over at her partner.
“Only that besides feeling off balance and tripping over myself more often, what really bothers me most is I think it is affecting our intimacy…our sex life as well!” he said.
“There is a lot of mythology out there about weight loss. We need to get that out of the way first if I’m going to be able to assist you.”
“That’s because you can’t lose weight…”
Queene jumped in with, “Well, I know diets don’t work because I just about tried them all!”
Quinton added, “I’ve been going to the gym three times a week for a year now and it hasn’t made a damn bit of difference either!”
“That’s because you can’t lose weight…it’s the biggest myth about it. It ignores one of the most basic laws of nature…Einstein’s law of energy conservation!” I said.
“Your kidding us, right?” Queene asked, her mouth hanging open in surprise, while Quinton’s face turned to some form of shock that caused him to blush as red as.…
“Not at all. If I wanted to lose that rocking chair you’re sitting on Queene, I could take a saw and cut it up into small pieces but it would still be a rocking chair broken up. I haven’t destroyed it or lost it…I’ve simply changed its form, how it looks.” I offered.
“Yeah, I get that. But, you can’t sit in it anymore, can you?” she replied.
“True, but it isn’t destroyed or lost, it just looks different now! Can you see that?” I asked.
They both nodded.
“And, if I take the pieces of the chair and burn them I will transform the pieces into some ashes and some heat which will spread around. And, if I take those ashes and burn them at a higher heat, then I will transform them into few ashes and some more heat which will also spread about. I can keep doing that, over and over, but I can never lose or destroy the rocking chair. I’m only transforming it each time. Can you see that?”
“…like a fat salad or a fat walk or a fat exercise program…”
Quinton replied this time with,
“Yes, I kinda get it…but what’s the point here? I seem to be missing it!”
“Quinton, the same principle applies to your body mass…your body fat. You cannot lose weight, you can only transform it into something else.” I said.
Queene jumped in with,
“You’re saying we can’t lose this weight, we can only transform it into something else…some other form of a fat, like a fat salad or a fat walk or a fat exercise program, right?”
“Yes, you’re getting the idea. In a sense we are transforming, like every addict, one form of addiction, food, into another form of addiction…just a healthier one.
“I used to think that you could get to a level of success where the laws of the universe didn’t apply. But they do. It’s still life on life’s terms, not on movie-star terms. I still have to work on my weight and some of my other demons.” – Chris Farley, comedian
“…we unconsciously, go looking for it and replace it…”
And the second myth is that it doesn’t matter how we think about it. Let me give you an example. Queene, if you lost the purse you carried in here today or Quinton, if you lost your wallet you carry in your jean pocket, what is the first thing you would do?”
Quinton said, “I’d check my car because I’m forever leaving it on the front seat when I get gas.”
Queene replied, “I guess I’d go looking for it in the last place I remember seeing it.”
“Exactly! Because you perceive it as a loss, you automatically go seek it back…almost unconsciously, eh?” I offered.
“Yes…I suppose.” Queene said, wondering where this idea was heading while Quinton just listened.
“That’s often what happens with diets. Because we perceive any weight we lose as a loss not a transformation, we unconsciously, go looking for it and replace it.”
Quintin said, “That an interesting idea I’ve never considered before. And, it has a ring of truth to it for me. When I ‘lost’ five pounds by giving up French fries, all I seemed to notice on every menu after was the fries. Soon enough I was sampling Queene’s and then eventually getting a small order and then a regular one. And, it happened fairly quickly as well.”
Queene added, “I remember you doing that! For me, I dropped 20 pounds but kept all the clothes because I knew I would be wearing them again soon. That was my thinking as I look back now!”
“You know what the secret to weight loss is? Don’t eat much.” – Simon Cowell, entertainer
“…your current body mass is not a mistake…”
“I think you are both getting the idea of transformation versus loss of weight. There is a third myth we need to dispel if you are going to get your mass under your control. You have probably heard the saying, ‘you eat an elephant, one bite at a time!’ Well, the same is true of weight transformation. You transform your mass one small step at a time. There is no healthy quick transformation of weight.”
“Does that make sense to you both?”
“I seen the horror stories on TV, so it makes lots of sense to me.” Queene said.
“Me too.” Quinton added.
“OK! Then, let’s deal with the third myth about your mass or weight. Since there are no mistakes in nature, your current body mass is not a mistake…that is the third myth! But, I bet you don’t actually believe that and so have been spending a lot of your time demeaning yourself over your current weight. Is that true?” I asked.
“It is for me!” Quinton replied.
“Yeah, me too!” Queene voiced.
“…my level of awareness determines my weight more than anything else?”
“Each person’s body weight is a reflection of their current level of awareness. So, for example, if someone proved to us with valid research that obesity promotes your longevity, then most people would work harder at achieving it. But, that hasn’t happened, so people don’t consciously strive for obesity unless perhaps they are a sumo wrestler or an actor who needs it for a part.”
“Yeah, I read Matthew McConaughey did that for his role in that movie Gold.”
“Are you saying that my level of awareness determines my weight more than anything else?” Queene asked, getting the idea immediately.
“Yes, Queene. That’s exactly what I’m saying! Our level of awareness determines, within the limits of our biology, many aspects of our health. So, for example, if research proved an apple a day would create 100 years of life, then those who knew and acted on that information, would use it. The same principle applies to your body mass. This means to get control of your weight requires you to raise your level of awareness…to be ready to learn!”
“So then, if I learn enough I can control my weight…is that what you mean, Ken?”
“Yes, Queene, that’s it exactly! Unless you have a genetic condition, which is rare. We all know if we ate less and more nutritiously, we would move to a healthier mass. If you learn how the laws of nature…physics, chemistry and biology, operate within your body, it will give you control of your weight. Here’s an example that relates to something you said earlier Quinton, about working out.”
“There is no quick fix. At the end of the day, you still have to do the work to maintain your weight. It can’t be a diet. You have to change your life.”
– Al Roker, entertainer
“…without reducing their intake and increasing their output, simultaneously…”
“You mean my thrice weekly gym visits.” he said, ridiculing himself.
“Yes! I read an article in Scientific American suggesting women burn about 1900 calories daily while for men, it’s about 2600. And, what’s interesting, it doesn’t matter what the person does on a given day. It is tied to the finding our body keeps the total number of calories used daily very stable. This is tied to ensuring our survival in time of limited food availability. So, working out does not and can not reduce our body mass by itself.”
“Does that mean that when I have a burger and fries and think I’m going to work it off at the gym…it is not possible…biologically?” he asked incredulously.
“Yep! And, that means no one can transform their weight without reducing their intake and increasing their output, simultaneously…not one OR the other, but rather, one AND the other!”
“This is interesting stuff, Ken! But how do we start this process of transforming our weight using these natural laws?” Queene asked.
“Excess exercise tends to be counterbalanced by excess hunger… weight loss through exercise is a flawed option.”
– Andrew Weil, scientist
“…it also absorbs your attention, slowing down your learning and so the growth of your self awareness.”
“That takes us back to that third myth I mentioned before.” I said.
I went on, “We need to start with creating more mental balance so, you can create more physical balance because as you mentioned Quinton …you are tripping more now because you are off balance, physically. So, more mental balance will assist you in transforming your physical mass. You start dropping your guilt when you learn your current weight has just as many benefits as costs to you.”
“Why remove the guilt? Doesn’t it motivate us?” Queene asked insightfully.
“Great question Queene! Yes it does! But, it also absorbs your attention, slowing down your learning and so the growth of your self awareness.”
Quinton jumped in here, “OK! So, how do we get started?”
“Let me briefly summarize the three keys to body mass control: first, you can’t lose weight, only transform it into something else which is healthier; second, how you think about weight control is vital, if you think you have lost it, you will seek to find it unconsciously; and third, your level of awareness determines your body mass because the more you know how the natural systems of your body work the more you are able to manage your weight. Do you each understand these three truths?
Again, they both nodded!
“So, you start by each writing down, and bringing back to your next consultation, two hundred benefits you are currently receiving from the body weight you now carry? By doing this you start raising your awareness and beginning the process of transforming your body mass.” I said.
And, so Queene and Quinton began their journey to greater awareness of how they are part of a natural system governed by natural laws which prevail, not just around us, but within us as well, both physically and mentally. They had laid the foundation for taking control of their mass but actually taking control of their future.
“At the age of thirty-seven, I was fat, and since the age of thirty-eight, I have never been fat again. That’s the whole idea of effective weight loss – it’s permanent because it’s part of your lifestyle and the way you think about yourself… The goal you achieve is your own – you own it.”
– Jean Nidetch, businessman
Until Next time…
Now you know you can’t lose weight or mass, you must, according to the laws of physics (nature), transform it into something else that is healthier for you. So, if you have addiction to pizza, transform it into an addiction to fruit; if you have an addiction to alcohol transform it into an addiction to water. You can’t destroy anything, you must transform it into something that will give you a future.
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Our next seminar is entitled, “How to Bring balance to Life and Purpose to Work!” It will be on Saturday, March 25th, 2017. Details are available at www.kenpiercepsychologist.com
Send us your feedback and topic suggestions…we love to hear from you! If you have a specific question or wish to schedule a consultation, feel free to contact me.
Namaste, (I salute the grandly organized design of the universe, manifested in you!)
Be well…balanced! Ken
Further information: www.kenpiercepsychologist.com