“To be consciously on your life purpose is to be blessed with grace and certainty!”
– John Demartini author
“But, the truth is…I’m very dissatisfied!”
Uriah worked for her Mom, who was an experienced business woman with a couple of successful fast food franchises. Uriah had bright, red hair, cut short. She came dressed to the nines with accessories reflecting a taste for the very best. She projected an energetic, enthusiastic image with a closeness to her innate creativity others, I suspected, would envy.
Uriah was just turning thirty five, had a strong relationship with her partner, Urban, and a secure future within her Mom’s business interests. She was already VP of operations and was probably headed for the CEO position. Uriah had studied business in school and completed her MBA with an entrepreneurship focus.
She showed all the usual signs of success with self confidence, a bright career path, classy clothes, a friendly manner, stable relationships and a healthy vitality. I was wondering what was missing here, so I asked her.
“Uriah, it sounds like you’re doing well in your life, what motivated you to call me?”
“Ken, my closest friend, Ursula, said the same thing just the other day. She said I had the world by the tail and there was no reason, she could see, how I could be dissatisfied. But, the truth is…I’m very dissatisfied! I feel like I’m just spinning my wheels…and my car is going nowhere!” she replied, so exasperated her face flushed and her eyes watered.
“…I’m just going through the motions.”
“What’s missing for you, Uriah?”
She paused briefly, then replied, “Ken, I know I have lots to be thankful for but when I’m just with me, just in my own head…I know something’s missing. It’s like my spirit and enthusiasm is not really there, I’m just going through the motions.”
“Would you go to one of those moments and tell me about it, Uriah?”
“It happens most mornings when I wake up. Like this morning, I was up at seven having my coffee and feeling deflated, spiritless and thinking I don’t want to go into the office today.”
“Where do you want to go instead?” I asked, having learned we usually know what inspires us, but often hesitate to share it.
“I certainly know what I don’t want…and that is the franchise business. With all due respect to my Mom and her business dream…it’s not my dream!” she replied raising her voice in frustration.
“So, you think you’ve been building your Mom’s dream, not yours?”
“Yes, exactly! I love my Mom and she’s good at what she does. But, I feel hooked into her dream while I avoid my own!”
“ Have you ever had that kind of in-spiritual experience, Uriah?”
“What’s your dream, Uriah? What do you need to be doing to be OK with yourself?”
“That’s the problem, Ken! I really don’t know! I just seem to notice what it isn’t.” she said, her frustration evident again.
“Can I offer you a couple of ideas to help you discover it?”
“Sure!” she said.
“When an individual is doing what they are supposed to be doing, often called being purposeful, their sense of time and space collapse into a state of gratitude which is sometimes called, presence or inspiration. It’s like they don’t notice the passage of time or even where they are because the activity is so fulfilling for them. Have you ever had that kind of in-spiritual experience, Uriah?”
“I have but it wasn’t when I was working at a job of any kind. Does that matter, Ken?”
“It may not have been part of work or a job you’ve had. It’s really an activity of any kind where you were so engrossed, so inspired you ignored the time and your location during those moments of doing it.” I replied.
“That sounds like when I’m at the gym.”
“Your life purpose must contribute to our species, to humanity’s evolution!” – King Ayles, author
“Sounds like you love it and it inspires you to do it, eh?”
“Tell me about those times, Uriah.”
“I workout four to six times a week. I have a forty-five minute exercise routine I’ve been following for a number of years. It’s quite demanding for me and I have to concentrate. When it’s done, I often find myself chatting with other people there. We compare notes on our workout and out progress…or the lack thereof. But, what I notice is I can end up spending sometimes two hours at the gym and leave wondering where the time went.”
“What is so fulfilling about those times? What do you find so enthralling? Is it your own exercise regime or perhaps discussing or analyzing fitness efficiency?”
“I think it is both. I love taking care of my own body and testing its limits. It fills me with gratitude for who I am and what I can do. But, I also enjoy helping others figure out what’s best for them with their health challenges and life style. For me, it’s like problem solving. It reminds me of those police dramas I love to watch on TV, like Elementary and CSI, where you uncover clues and you have to figure out what’s going on.” Uriah said, her eyes lighting up with excitement.
“Sounds like you love it and it inspires you to do it, eh?”
“Yes…I really do!”
“What about doing it for a living as a wellness or exercise coach of some kind?” I asked, to see how much she had been thinking about this.
“Actually, I have had a couple of people ask me to help them or really…coach them. But, so far, I have been reluctant to agree.”
“Your life purpose must contribute to our species, humanity!” – King Ayles, author
“… if you don’t do it, someone who loves you…will try to do it for you.”
“How come, Uriah?”
“If my Mom found out I was coaching others in fitness or wellness, with the MBA she paid for, she’d think I was crazy. Besides, I could never charge enough for my time to match the income I’m making now.”
“So, while coaching feels more fulfilling to your spirit, it doesn’t generate enough income to make it worth while, eh?”
“Yeah…sort of. I’ve also crunched some numbers to see if it could be viable as a business. My analysis indicates it would take 3 to 5 years to become viable and that would only be if I had a partner to share the risk and was willing to work my butt off!”
“Uriah, it looks to me like you have a few things to do before you can design your own destiny. I think you suspect, if you don’t do it, someone who loves you, like your Mom, will try to do it for you.”
“Yeah! I have been watching that happen for some time. But, where do I start?”
“… gets the leadership it needs for its evolution or survival.”
“Let’s talk about leadership for a few minutes. You have been watching your Mom lead her business for a long time. But let’s use someone less close to home. Let’s use a public leader like Justin Trudeau in Canada or Donald Trump in the United States. They can serve as role models for leadership.”
“OK!” she replied wondering where I was going with this.
“Nature operates to ensure the survival of itself, like it’s been doing for 400 billion years. That means every country or business gets the leadership it needs for its evolution or survival. Canada supported and elected a left-of-centre leader while the US supported and elected a right-of-centre leader. Both new leaders serve the natural system of balance which prevails across all natural systems.”
“Why is that important?” Uriah said.
“Because it will drive each country towards the middle which is optimum for that country’s future. So Trudeau’s election support will motivate the right leaners to learn and evolve driving Canada towards the centre. And, Trump’s election support will motivate the left leaners to learn and evolve towards its centre. Each leader contributes to moving their country toward a natural balance, thus ensuring its survival. This occurs in numerous systems at all levels within each country. You can watch it daily on the news in different forms.”
“Anything only pleasurable cannot be purposeful!” – King Ayles, author
“This would motivate you to act more decisively about your future.”
“That would mean each leader, in each country, is the correct one for that country at this time to make sure it survives into the future…is that what you mean?” she asked, getting the idea.
“Yes, Uriah! That’s why it’s not a mistake…each leader generates equal pain and pleasure for each of their fellow citizens.”
“But, how does that connect to my situation? I think I’m lost, Ken.”
“If and when, you start leading your own life by designing your own destiny, this same principle will apply. Whatever you decide to do with your future will attract both supporters and challengers. It is wise to expect it and be prepared for it. But, it does not have to stop you from being you…unless, of course, you put your dreams and goals behind those of someone else.” I said.
“It sounds like that old saying about, ‘marching to your own tune,’ eh?’’ Uriah added.
“Yes, that’s it exactly! And, it would help you tremendously if you has some additional information which is vital to being a leader who designs their own destiny. Do you want to explore that?” I asked.
“Very much, Ken!”
“First, since everyone is on their life purpose unconsciously and only a small fraction consciously, you have the opportunity to move your life purpose from an unconscious to a conscious level. This would motivate you to act more decisively about your future.” I said.
“Can you help me find my purpose?”
“It’s that piece which drives your spirit, your energy and your commitment.”
“Yes I can! And second, I bet you already know, in business it usually takes 3-5 years to create a stable and viable enterprise. So once you’ve consciously connected your life purpose to your own dream of your future work, then you will be able to develop and implement a viable plan for it.”
“You’re saying if I know my purpose clearly, then I can plan my future more effectively, right?”
“Yes! And third, when you have a plan connected clearly to your purpose, you can ensure its success by looking at the pros and cons of each aspect to ensure you have a balanced, realistic and achievable perspective to take into your future.”
“So, if I know my purpose, develop a viable plan for the kind of work or business I want to create and then debug every aspect of it, I should be able to achieve my dream…that sounds like the course I took in school called, ‘Business Development 101.’” she said.
“I’m not suggesting you didn’t already know most of this. I’m suggesting you may have been less motivated because you didn’t have your dream connected to your purpose. It’s that piece which drives your spirit, your energy and your commitment.” I offered.
“I think you’re hinting I was sidetracking myself with my concern with my Mom’s reaction to all this if I decided to act on it, eh?” Urial said, the insight surfacing now.
“To do what you love and love what you do is life’s ultimate goal!” – John Demartini author
“We all have blind spots, Uriah!
“That would be my best guess. What you may not have considered yet is how it could benefit, not just you, but also your mom, if you followed your own dreams. Have you considered this?”
“It’s never entered my mind, Ken.”
“Nature doesn’t make mistakes, it’s had 400 billion years of practice at creating a balanced, self sustaining system. So, whatever anyone does impacts everyone else in a balanced way, half pain and half pleasure. You have been noticing the pain your Mom will experience, but, have you identified the counterbalancing pleasure for her?” I asked.
“Whew! Talk about a blind spot for me!” Uriah replied, smiling.
“We all have blind spots, Uriah. If you uncovered the two sides of whatever you decide to do with your future not just for yourself but also those around you…then you’re better positioned to design your own destiny.”
“Can you help me with that too?”
“Sure can! Ready to start right now?”
“Definitely!” she said.
That was the work which Uriah took on. She first uncovered her life purpose. Then she found it’s connections to her current job so she could learn to appreciate how it had helped her get to the position she was in of needing to move on. This eliminated any demeaning by her of her past decisions to work for her Mom. Then she uncovered the pros and cons for her, and her Mom, of her desire to start her own coaching business.
Uriah soon found a business partner at a business mixer, another entrepreneur who shared her dream of wellness coaching. And, she even noticed some of the benefits to her Mom to her starting her own entrepreneurial adventure. She told me the most surprising one was how supportive her Mom was to her plan. She said her Mom, at a recent family gathering was heard to say,“…her daughter was striking out on her own, just like I did years ago!”
“Each individual consciously or unconsciously seeks to manifest their purpose throughout their life!”
– King Ayles, author
Until Next time…
Now you know, if you don’t design your own destiny, someone who cares about you, will try to do it. But they can’t do it because they don’t know your unique dreams and aspirations. To be motivated you need to know your life purpose, you need to know how it connects to your dreams and you need to know how your daily plans connect to your purpose and dreams. Then you become self motivated and inspired to live the life of your dreams…not a happy person, but rather an actualized person, an appreciative person and a grateful person.
REMEMBER, here is a wonderful opportunity! Dr. John Demartini, is going to be in my neck of the woods, Halifax, Nova Scotia on April 22 & 23, 2017 facilitating The Breakthrough Experience™ seminar.
This is your chance to start designing your own destiny. Results are guaranteed and there is no better investment than yourself. If you like the ideas you have read here, you will love this seminar. Check it out at: www.drdemartini.com
Encourage others to subscribe to our FREE Newsletter and ebook, “Finding Balance in Your Life” at And, please like us on Facebook or Twitter.
Our next seminar is entitled, “How to Bring balance to Life and Purpose to Work!” It will be on Saturday, May 27th, 2017. Details are available at www.kenpiercepsychologist.com
Send us your feedback and topic suggestions…we love to hear from you! If you have a specific question or wish to schedule a consultation, feel free to contact me.
Namaste, (I salute the grandly organized design of the universe, manifested in you!)
Be well…balanced! Ken
Further information: www.kenpiercepsychologist.com