“There is but one cause of human failure. And that is man’s lack of faith in his true Self.”
– William James, psychologist
“… she needed to move on with her life.”
Zara contacted me through Theravive.com an online counselling referral service with whom I am registered. She said she was looking to get her life back on track after her divorce from Zack. She said she had ended it. She and Zack still kept in close touch as friends, but she needed to move on with her life. And, she said she needed some help with that part of her life.
When we finally met in my office a week later, I discovered Zara was a tall, athletic woman of thirty five who loved squash and running. She had a dark ebony complexion reflecting her South African heritage. She displayed a quick mind and manner.
Zara managed the local branch of a large retail chain. She had, what she called, “a demanding job” that took much of her time and energy. But, she told me she enjoyed the work and especially her team of sales representatives who kept her branch among the top five across the country.
“Ken, I screw up relationships!”
When I asked her what she had meant by “needing to move on” after her divorce from Zack, she replied,
“Ken, I screw up relationships! Zack was just the latest one. It’s been going on since high school. I can’t seem to make a relationships last. I want to find out why and I want to find out now!”
“Well, you certainly are determined…and that’s a healthy sign! What do you think the problem is Zara?”
“You may have noticed already I’m a pretty ambitious and assertive person. It’s required in my job and I have lots of energy I need to channel daily. But, it’s not really true. I’m actually a wimp! I give in to people too often…and I’ve been doing it all my life!” she said, frustration growing on her face.
Then she added,
“I should have ended my marriage long before now. I tried several times earlier only to give in to Zack and agree reluctantly to try, again, to make it work. In a way I’m pissed off at myself for waiting so long.”
“What made you decide to finally end it, Zara?” I asked, wondering what her highest values were.
“Zara, are you perfect just the way you are?”
She paused momentarily before responding,
“I think it was the realization that it wasn’t about Zack, it was about me…about me and my perception of myself…that Zack was a guy I cared about but didn’t want to spend my future with…does that make sense Ken?”
“Certainly does! And, that suggests to me you may have an outdated perception yourself. Could that be true, Zara?”
“How would I…how would I know?” she replied with a child like look of wonder and confusion emerging from her face.
“It’s actually quite simple to determine. Just answer this one question for me. Are you ready?” I asked.
“Yes, I guess so!” she replied with a measure apprehension spreading across her face.
“Zara, are you perfect just the way you are?”
“The illusion people often carry is the ideas they most believe will remain unchanged throughout their lives.”
– King Ayles, writer
“…do you mean every decision I made in the past was the right one for me to get to be here…”
Her jaw literally dropped and her mouth opened displaying her perfect ivory. And, her eyes widened in a display of shock and disbelief.
“Are you kidding me? Of course I’m not perfect…nobody is… except maybe some saints and some of the Kardashians on television.”
“Let me come at the idea from another perspective. Since you are alive and well today, can you see how every decision you have made, at every second in your past, was the right one to get you to the next second.”
Zara looked at me like I had two heads, so I kept going,
“And, the decisions you made at that second were perfect for you to get to the next second. And so, that same chain of events, that same process, has been going on your entire life up to this very moment?”
“Ken, do you mean every decision I made in the past was the right one for me to get to be here, today, at this moment?
“Yes, exactly! Which also means they were perfect decisions for you! And, this same principle applies to all aspects of your life because with each decision you got wiser and stronger. And, you used this wisdom and strength to move yourself forward in your life.a perfect life path for YOU!”
“…what I call my ‘nightmares’ actually helped me get to be here, too!”
“It’s like you saying if someone is alive, they are successful…is that what you mean?”
“I do indeed! And, it applies to everyone. Which means, if there are parts of you or your past which you don’t appreciate yet, it’s because you don’t see yet how they contributed to where you are today! Could that be possible, Zara?”
“Yes, I suppose so! But, that would mean some of what I call my ‘nightmares’ actually helped me get to be here, too!”
“Yes, it does! And really, anything you don’t appreciate about your past or present, anything you did or didn’t do, even some aspect of your body…like maybe you don’t like your nose, also contributed to you being here today…alive and well.” I offered.
“If I could prove that to myself…then, I guess I would start appreciating me more…would I not, Ken?” Zara asked, putting the pieces of her life puzzle carefully together.
“I can show you how to do that, Zara and yes, you would rebuild your self esteem.”
“When can we start?”
“How about right now!”
“When you have to make a choice and don’t make it, that is, in itself, a choice.” – William James, psychologist
“… Zara’s innate self esteem resurfaced in her awareness.”
Zara had a very narrow perspective of herself, which had not taken into conscious consideration what she had learned about herself from her life experiences. As we used the Demartini Method™ on her perceptions of herself she uncovered the ways in which her ‘nightmares’ made her smarter and stronger.
This process uncovered the belief she had at her birth, that every child has at birth…that they are perfect…that they can be, do and have anything. As she cleared each memory, not just the ‘nightmares’ but also the ‘fantasies,’ Zara’s innate self esteem resurfaced in her awareness.
One of the last things she said to me at our last consult was, “Now I realize, Zack, and every other guy, were just tools to drive me to rediscover my sense of myself…so neat once you figure it out!”
“Begin to be now, what you will be, hereafter.” – William James, psychologist
Until Next time…
Now you know, your were born perfect and retain it throughout your life. Each event is just another opportunity to learn what you need for your future. But, be skeptical and check it out. You won’t regret it because there are no mistakes in nature, only learnings for your evolution!
YOUR NEXT OPPORTUNITY TO UNCOVER YOUR PERFECTION:
“A COUPLES’ TRANSFORMATION DAY”
Saturday, June 17th, 2017
Suite #3 The Pierce Institute offices
549 North River Road, Charlottetown, PE
Here is your chance to:
- Confirm Your Relationship Commitment!
- Conquer Relationships Challenges!
- Build More Emotional Stability!
- Settle Financial Disputes!
- Create A Social Life!
- Resolve Parenting Issues!
- Reinvigorate Your Intimacy!
So: Invest in YOU! – Invest in your RELATIONSHIP!
Register Today! There are no mistakes, only learning opportunities for your future well being!
Details are available at ww.kenpiercepsychologist.com
Encourage others to subscribe to our FREE Newsletter and ebook, “Finding Balance in Your Life” And, please like us on Facebook or Twitter.
Send us your feedback and topic suggestions…we love to hear from you! If you have a specific question or wish to schedule a consultation, feel free to contact me.
Namaste, (I salute the grandly organized design of the universe, manifested in you!)
Be well…balanced! Ken
Further information: www.kenpiercepsychologist.com